I think everything is stupid

Now.... sit on my face

Here’s a little background, if you care. A dental dam is a rectangular piece of latex, typically used in dentistry, and occasionally by complete sociopaths. In the former, it’s a hygenic way of preventing bacterial infection during oral surgery. In the latter, it’s a creepy way of scaring the living shit out of the poor girl spread eagled in the back of your Pontiac Trans Am.

Here’s a few facts:

• Pulling out one of these fuckers on a girl will be one of the most horrifying experiences in her entire life
• Dental dams are proven to reduce the chance of contracting STDs because you’ll never get laid again.
• This will not make your rimming session any better; it’s still an asshole, and so are you.

If for some bizarre reason you don’t have one of these things laying around, you can MacGyver one out of a condom in just under a minute, providing you keep condoms and scissors laying next to each other. No scissors? Any blade will do. Good luck keeping the girl around long enough to use it after you fashion one of these things out of a 3 foot machete, you fucking prick.