Make sure you add this guy to your Pennysaver Friends List
Sunday…
The day when thousands of Americans show how low-rent they can be by organizing a garage sale. From 10-year old shit-stained used baby clothes to pee-wee-sized slightly-used jerk-socks, you can find anything you’re looking for. (eBayers are not exempt. Just because you broadcast your trashiness online instead of on the neighboring light post doesn’t exempt you from being a colossal douche.)
What could possibly be better than throwing away 12 hours of your weekend selling your old C+C Music Factory cassettes, pornos on Betamax and the chair your grandpa died in for $16 dollars? How about masturbating with your right hand while sticking your left in a running garbage disposal? Tough choice, isn’t it?
Would you offer to put in a few extra hours of work to pawn off your boss’ crap if he offered you $4/hr? Apparently, there’s some additional value in working towards a personal enterprising venture.
Not to mention the fact that you’re buying somebody’s used items. The clothes that some nasty fucker, who you’ve never met, seen, smelled or tested for Swine Flu, once wore. A May 1975 Playboy that possibly both your father and grandfather jerked it to. Hell, maybe you can even get lucky and find a used toothbrush that has only been “used for about one year”.
Be forewarned that if you live on my street, don’t ever bring down my property value by putting your trash out on the lawn. I promise that if you do I’ll put a much more valuable piece of property on your Sales Table, as I’m running you over with my car.
Let me say up front that I’m all for conversation of the environment in any way possible and recycle way more thoroughly than many people that I know. That said, can we please (as a people) just stop talking about the ominous Global Warming? I find it horrendous that the term Global Warming now refers exclusively to “man-made” Global Warming.
Humans in our incredible 10-15,000 years of civilization presume to completely understand the natural heating and cooling cycles of the Earth, pushing 5 billion years old. Will you people please just shut up? Can we stop wasting millions of dollars studying what Global Warming “sounds like” and attack a real problem, like Swine Flu Bird Flu SARS AIDS or something? Attack the pollution problems with evidence that doesn’t include “heating the Earth” the natural cycles of which still are not completely clear.
Although I guess I should be happy that people even believe in that… People that believe in Global Warming, probably believe that Antarctica was once tropical, in evolution and several other topics of Scientific importance that many, many, MANY people refuse to believe despite evidence. Even asking a simple question on Google (see the second result) leads to a massive personal disappointment in the human race in general.
Unless you’re running for a disease or atrocity that isn’t debilitating then you’re just showing off in front of all the sickies. You smug assholes who make matching t-shirts for the event and gather around Jane’s wheelchair to pray for her multiple sclerosis to go away, are just as quick to leave her in the dust as soon as the gun sounds. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to do 5Ks in front of people who will never be able to run again in their lives deserves a spinal chord injury. It would have been just as easy to create an event inclusive to those whose bodies make them best suited for stationary pursuits: “Poetry for the Cure” or like, fucking, “Coloring Contest for the Cure.” Or better yet, how about “CURE for the Cure?” Running can be the solution to a lot of things, cancer is not one of them. Instead of huffing and sweating for a cheap medal and a shitty band at the end (we all know what that money really goes to), how about we all put our heads down and start making potions out of household items until we come up with some shit that works?
Even though Wikipedia is filled with the biggest group of attention-starved losers on the planet (outside of possibly Facebook and Twitter), the Administrators earn a point for putting Scientology in its rightful place.
How about next we lock out edits to the Tom Cruise page to everyone except Nicole Kidman and any IP from Germany?
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/05/29/wikipedia_bans_scientology/
Thank you TechCrunch for waking up to reality.
