I think everything is stupid

Another brilliant example of American ingenuity: the bumper sticker. According to Wikipedia, moronic Americans have been sticking these self-serving billboards of ridicule and idiotic idealisms since just before World War II.

Since the Sheep of this great country put bumper stickers in order to make a “statement” about their personal beliefs or lives, I’ll go ahead and give them some helpful feedback… I’d love to respond to all the bumper stickers I’ve ever seen, but due to time-constraints, I’ll just pull a small sample:

• Nobody fucking cares where your kid is an honor student at. According to the most recent US Census data, “27 percent of adults age 25 and over had a college degree” – an all-time high. You must be so fucking proud…
• The C-O-E-X-I-S-T message you’re exuding seems to have done its job here. Why don’t you take that somewhere like Iran or North Korea and see how effective it is there?
• “What would Scooby-Do?” He’d strangle you with a fucking ascot.
• If “mean people suck”, then… eh, Fuck You…
• “Your village called, they’re missing their idiot” – Your dad called, he’s looking for that teaspoon of sperm he wasted.
• “I got kicked out of Cub Scouts for eating a Brownie” – Except that you failed to mention that you’re 35, you fucking pedophile.
• “Jesus loves you – Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole” – You might want to take a look in the mirror, asshole.
• The “Hang Up and Drive”-type stickers are definitely the best. I see, as if talking on the cell phone isn’t bad enough, you want all drivers – on the phone and off – to take the time to read tiny print off the back of your fucking car from 6 feet away. Thanks for improving the safety of our roads, jackass.

(Anyone with a bumper sticker that requires personal correspondence, please contact us here at ITEIS.)

While I’m on the topic, mangling your car at all is just plain-fucking stupid. Putting the M3 logo on your Mercedes Kompressor, mutilating the Toyota logo to say “Toy”, painting your car all black using wall paint, etc. Congratulations for your stupidity, especially you drivers of brand-new cars. Nothing feels better than buying $20,000 vehicle – that you’ll be paying off until it’s worth $2,000 – and helping along the depreciation by placing an irremovable $4 sticker on it.

Even though Wikipedia is filled with the biggest group of attention-starved losers on the planet (outside of possibly Facebook and Twitter), the Administrators earn a point for putting Scientology in its rightful place.

How about next we lock out edits to the Tom Cruise page to everyone except Nicole Kidman and any IP from Germany?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/05/29/wikipedia_bans_scientology/